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- 5 Signs Your Marriage Needs Help (And How to Get It) Ever felt like something in your marriage was a little off? Maybe you and your partner just weren’t connecting the way you should and you knew you both could do so much better. Well, the truth is, you can. The very first step toward doing better is recognizing something is wrong. When couples aren’t on […]
- 5 Conversations You Can’t Avoid If You Want A Happy MarriageIn order for your marriage to stand the test of time, you have to be able to communicate your needs, frustrations, desires, and so much more. Without communication, your marriage inevitably suffers. Effective communication is the cornerstone of a happy marriage. But what some people fail to realize is that it’s not just a matter […]
- 30 Serious Consequences of Infidelity…Take HeedInfidelity is by far one of the worst things that can transpire in marriage. Trust me, I know from personal experience! It violates everything built between you and your spouse in such a personal way. Majority of us who’ve been cheated on didn’t see it coming…I know I was blindsided for sure! “I am deeply […]
- Help My Wife Left Me! How Can I Become a More Nurturing and Sensitive Husband?Dr. Buckingham, I feel like I am in hell. I am separated from my wife and do not know how things got so messed up so quickly. She recently moved out with our 10 year old and 14 year old children. I tried my best to be a good father and husband, but my wife […]
- Ladies: 3 Signs You May Have Already Met Your Perfect Match and You Don’t Even Know ItWhere are all the good men? If you’re a smart, successful, marriage-minded sista, and you’ve found yourself asking that question out of frustration, I have some good news. According to some experts, once a woman turns 30, there’s a 70% chance she’s already met the love of her life. Your future husband could be a former classmate, […]
- 5 Things Every Wife Needs Her Husband to UnderstandIf there is anything almost nine years of marriage has taught me, it’s that I can’t get my husband to read my mind. Yep, despite my best efforts, that brotha just can’t do it. Consider it a shortcoming if you must, but I realize that he’s just human. My husband is actually human. Shocking, right? […]
- How to Stay Together When Your Family and Friends Want You to DivorceFor years, my husband Don and I had an extremely rocky marriage. During those tumultuous years, I confided in a lot of girlfriends. I told them everything he did and did not do. I was painting a picture of him that had them not speaking to him or wanting to be around him. When things […]
- Communication in Marriage: 4 Signs You and Your Spouse are Finally MaturingOkay let’s be honest…if you’re with someone for any extended period an argument or two is inevitable. Sometimes the smallest things just turn into WWII for no reason. Emotions get high, things are said that shouldn’t be, and then a week later you’re still mad at each other. Let’s just say my wife and I […]
- 5 Really Good Ways to Support Your Spouse’s DreamI am a dreamer. I sometimes think up really big ideas but occasionally I lose steam when the process seems to be moving too slowly or I get discouraged. This is why my husband is such a really great match for me. He’s always supportive, realistic and able to see the big picture when I […]
- Should I Divorce My Wife for My High School Sweetheart?Dear Dr. Buckingham, I was with my high school sweetheart for about 5 years off and on, but we were young and always broke up over childish things, but we always got back together. As a young man, I never looked at being in a relationship like average youngsters. I was really thinking about marriage and […]
- 5 Signs Your Marriage Needs Help (And How to Get It)
Upcoming iLL Shows
Category Archives: Social Justice
Do I bottle it up & try to turn the page?
Do I write a rap & burn the stage?
How much does it cost to earn my cage?
They call me beast, cause they can’t discern my rage! Continue reading →
I am not suggesting that there will be an African exodus in my lifetime (though I would wholeheartedly support one). However, I am implying that each of us has a duty to understand the real trauma that our people are facing because of the tremendous brain drain that our continent is facing. Continue reading →
I remember being poor… Continue reading →
“Americans are very condescending when speaking to Africans…” Continue reading →
Is race something that only lives on in the minds of African-Americans? Continue reading →
Art is politics; and, it’s the weapon Kuweni Serious uses to, as they say, “fight the evil forces of apathy,” they saw plaguing Kenyan youth in the aftermath of the country’s 2007 elections. Continue reading →
I knew what a job looked like. I knew what making stuff happen looked like. I didn’t know what an educated black man in a meaningful career looked like. Continue reading →
If you haven’t heard of Nneka by now, maybe you are being intentional in making sure you don’t know what’s hot! She has traveled the globe pushing a message that cry’s for transparency, humility, and love. Check out her newest video, Stay.
In “My Soul is Heavy” Nekka takes us on a journey into the despair that her heart feels for her Nigerian people caught in the middle of the Niger Delta oil crisis.
With an entire continent’s concerns on her back, Nneka delves into the depths of Africa’s darkest realities to arise with faith, love, and hope on each of her 3 studio releases. The video “My Home” explores how her faith in God is the sustaining force that allows both her as well as millions of Africans to face the harsh circumstances the they face together.
Just in case you’ve have been sleeping under a rock; check out this link: http://illholiday.com/2010/12/15/337/.
Pray for a miracle! Avert a disaster…Save Troy Davis! Continue reading →
Here is a throwback from Mr. 3 Stax…
Being a parent isn’t easy. Its not easy when you are in a loving relationship with a soul-mate who has your back. It is especially difficult for those who are doing it by themselves. This song is dedicated to all those who give their family all that they have. I see you! We see you!
If you dig this song, click “LIKE” to let your friends know you support Single Mamma’s and Daddies too!
Janette…ikz is back with a truth that needs to be told.
When I married my wife, I had to talk to her about a deep concern I had about the whole wedding process. This concern was something that I felt we had to settle before moving forward. It wasn’t concerning the ceremony or the planning process. It wasn’t even about the guestlist or participants of the wedding. No, I wasn’t concerned about the venue or even budget (errr. I mean, what working black man aint concerned about the budget?)
Well, more than budget concerns- I needed to talk about something that was a life or death issue.
I gave this term a line of it’s own because it deserves alot of consideration when expressing what kind of LIFE I’d like to live with the love of my LIFE. This decision weighed so heavy on my heart that I needed it settled before even planning the 1st detail of the wedding. We had to be on one accord and in total agreement about this one.
Much to my surprise, my lady was right with me. She understood that our symbol of marriage could be marred by the realization that a kid was walking around in a foreign country with no arms or no LIFE.
We decided to bypass the whole Kimberly process and purchase diamond free wedding bands. Even though this didn’t sit well with friends or family who were looking for that fat rock to adorn her hand, we knew we wanted to embark on a marriage built on mutual consideration for the impact of our covenant.
5 years later, I have never regretted skipping the possibility of buying my wife a Conflict (BLOOD) Diamond.
Check out what the Nigerian Soul Superstar “Asa” had to say in verse 2 of her hit song “Fire On The Mountain”
05 Fire On The Mountain by mooney
Will we kneel forever? Nationally known poet, Allyson Horton asks that question in response to an art installation that is scheduled in her hometown. Feel her passion in this piece titled invisible or nameless in naptown…
The artist who is developing the piece for public viewing is the internationally recognized artist named Fred Wilson. Mr. Wilson is known for making art that leaves entire communities talking. He has been the very opposite of fearful in tackling race in his pieces.
So why would Allyson say, “Will we kneel forever?” Does Allyson hate art? Does she think that all art should be Afro-Centric? Does she have beef with Fred Wilson?No. No. and No!
Allyson is one of many community members who have strong concerns with placing a replica of a freed slave monument in front of the Indianapolis City County Building. One of the major concerns is that the fact that the piece will be directly visible by prisoners who are currently jailed at the City County Building, of whom a large percentage are African American Males. Other community members are angry with how the exhibit has been marketed by the Cultural Trails Commission of a depiction of an African American slave being empowered. Still, many others are upset that the piece will be shown at all on a cultural trail instead of in a gallery. Tuesday October 19th, 6pm will be an opportunity for the entire community to speak to the man behind the slave. Fred Wilson will speak at the Historical Madame Walker Theatre 617 Indiana Ave. Indianapolis, Indiana 46202. He will address concerns about his piece titled E Pluribus Unum.
The entire community is encouraged to voice their viewpoint at this meeting. This is sure to not only be a meeting of the minds, but also an engaging dialogue on the history and current status of race in America.
Many people are waiting on a ‘real’ leader to step up and solve the problems we are facing. They would argue that our country is standing still, and in some cases sliding backwards because, politicians just don’t get it. Some would say that it is because most of our religious leaders are either corrupt or worse-cowards. Even other people would say that greedy businessmen are the problem.
What I believe is that the problem is me. I am the problem. Everyone like me who has passed up on an opportunity to help themselves is the problem. Anyone like me who has overlooked the opportunity to share their extra(knowledge, time, money, strength) is the problem.
The buck doesn’t stop with the politician-it stops with me. It stops with normal people. We are the answer we have been waiting for. Everyone of us who is the problem…is also THE Solution.
For the past 14 months I have been working with a community organization called Public Allies that operates with the mindset that Everybody Leads. This simply means that everyone brings something to the table. There is no such thing as an extra person. Each person has something to contribute. Most people will contribute their time, talents, and passion, if given the right opportunity and support.
Public Allies gives that support to young adults who have made up their mind that they don’t look like a leader, leadership looks like them.
Without programs like Public Allies, people keep addressing problems the same way. We look for the expert to tell us what our problem is and how they are the only one who is able to fix it for us. Its this kind of thinking that has us stuck on an escalator with no good sense to walk the rest of the way. We are so used to depending on others, that we miss the opportunity to solve our own problems.
So when you wake up and look yourself in the mirror, remember you are looking at The New Face of Leadership!