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- A Dozen Great Ways to Keep Your Relationship FreshAs I reflect on my relationship (which I have been in now for over 16 years, more than a 1/3 of my life), I am so grateful for the fact that it doesn’t feel that long. In fact, the longer we’re in it, the better it gets. And as I take a step back to reflect, […]
- 4 Ways to Protect Your Kids’ Online Privacy from Everyone but YourselfI’ve teamed up with Consumer Reports and am proud to be one of their paid brand ambassadors; my personal opinions do not necessarily reflect those of Consumer Reports. We have four kids (9, 10, 15 and 23 years old.) And I feel like I have been fighting a losing battle with trying to protect their […]
- Infidelity in Marriage: Here’s How to Rebuild Intimacy after an AffairIf I told you that the day my husband confessed his affair, we had sex the same night. Would you believe me or think I was pulling one over on you? Do you even believe it is possible to reconnect intimately immediately or does the thought of having sex so soon sicken you? Well, we […]
- Is It Okay for Love to Be Conditional?If I had to say what I love most about my relationship with my husband, it would be how he loves me unconditionally. He’s never made me feel like his love for me has conditions attached to it. Never makes me fee like I am constantly trying to earn his love. For that, I adore […]
- Parents – Here’s One Less Thing for You to DoIt’s spring! And if you are like me, you are ready for the temperature to warm up and you’re also ready for your home to feel fresh, clean and spring-like too. Hence the sudden need for spring cleaning. But who wants to spend all weekend cleaning when it’s so nice outside? Not Me! So I’ve […]
- Financial Intimacy – What is It and Why Black Couples Need It So Much?Of the many intimacies that we attend to and invest our energy into throughout the course of a relationship, financial intimacy usually is not at the top of the list…despite its impact on the day-to-day functioning and operations of a household. In order to have a healthy, trusting, and holistic marriage, though, we must pay […]
- 3 Ways To Deal With the Pressure to Get Married Without Losing Your Mind“I just came here to find a husband.” That’s the sign Ayana Evans wore to a party she attended a few years ago. The picture she posted on her Instagram, shows her standing on the balcony, scanning the crowd below, with a sign taped on her back. One might think she was being desperate or […]
- 4 Toxic Thoughts that Men Need to Stop Having in Their Relationships…NOW!You might be familiar with the famous quote “Watch your thoughts; they become words. Watch your words; they become actions. Watch your actions, they become habits. Watch your habits, they become character. Watch your character; it becomes your destiny.” Well just like in life, the same thing applies to your relationships: especially the part about […]
- What Kind of Mentality Should I Look for in My Future Spouse?Dear Dr. Buckingham, My guy friend often tells me that he is for me and has my back. Usually I am a good read of character, but for some reason I cannot figure him out. He acts a little self-centered at times so I am not sure that he is ready to be in a […]
- T.I. Says His Marriage Distracted Him From His Mission? Is It a Cop Out?I eat, sleep and breath love, romance and marriage. You can usually find me caught in a deep discussion about it or researching and finding ways to learn even more about what makes marriage work. It’s what I do. So I found myself really intrigued this week as I stumbled upon rapper T.I’s quotes on […]
- A Dozen Great Ways to Keep Your Relationship Fresh
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Tag Archives: Bel-Air
Anytime you beg friends, family, and co-workers to give you thousands of dollars to go meet your estranged family members in a foreign country over 7,000 miles away, things are bound to get interesting. As interesting as things were at the Murtala Muhammed Airport in Lagos, they didn’t prepare me for where I would be staying.
My driver safely navigated through the streets of Lagos to deliver me to Lekki (Lekki Lagos Nigeria Peninsula is a developing suburb considered a prime real estate location). This trip was a 4-hour feat. That’s right it took four hours to travel to where I would be staying. Along the way we experienced a great cross-section of the diversity that is Lagos.
A man selling watches caught my driver’s eye. His time pieces were stored away in pockets that had pockets. The street vendor walked alongside us displaying his watches while we crawled through traffic. His best pieces must have been tucked deep because he always had a better watch to show for each one that was rejected. About a half a mile and a dozen watches later we hit a wall [not literally]. My driver needed to make a decision and couldn’t chose between three different pieces. So, the plan was to get off the exit that was about a half mile up the road. The only thing that seemed like a catch was- traffic picked up and that meant we would leave the vendor in our dust. Much to my surprise he ran all the way to where we parked off of the exit, and was there as soon as we looked around for him. I knew that if my driver wasn’t going to buy a watch, I had to give something to the hardest working watch salesman I had ever seen.
After the excitement over the newly purchased timepiece calmed down, we were now getting hungry. That was not a problem either. Along with mattresses, tires, cabinet sets, magazines, dresses, travel kits, and windshield wipers, there were several food items to be bought while in motion on Lagos roadways. Given my apprehension to eat any of the sliced fruit or unpackaged food, we settled on plantain chips. The chips did exactly what they were designed to do. The kept me from taking a bite out of my driver’s right arm.
Soon, we were in the area where I would be staying. Some of the houses were huge, while others were literally shacks. It was interesting to see such wealth and poverty cohabiting literally feet from each other. One thing was sure, security was a major consideration. Each major estate was only visible above the 8-10 foot wall that guarded it from the outer world. I remembered seeing houses that were guarded like this, once before. The only houses that I had witness using this much security were the ones in Beverly Hills.
We pulled up to the house about 7 or 8 and I yelled to the driver, “Yo Holmes! Smell ya Later”.
No, seriously, it was like I had pulled right into a Bel-Air Estate. The one thing that would divert from that comparison, that I noticed right off the bat, was a distinct smell. It wasn’t ganja or anything crazy. It was actually something pretty good. I am at a loss of words for what fragrance it was but it was definitely African. I had smelled this smell at the poetry spots in the US. It was like a black soap/Nag Chompa/shea butter/non-european smell. I wish I could explain it better. Whatever the ingredients, it was both welcoming and fresh!
The maid opened the door and ushered me upstairs to greet the owners of the home, the Desalu Family. I quickly learned that I had family in Nigeria that I didn’t even know about. The owners of the home are not related to me by blood, and yet they treated me as their long lost son. Therefore, they literally turned me into the Fresh Prince from our first conversation. This was the home that they toiled hard to build and I was enjoying the fruits of their labor with maids, drivers, cooks and all!
When entering the presence of Mr. and Mrs. Desalu, the maid did a curtsey gesture. I first thought that this was done because she was a domestic servant and that it was expected of her. I later saw all people who were younger than the Desalu’s greeted them the same way, no matter their position or profession. That’s when it became evident to me that Africans have a very deliberate way that they pay respect to their elders. The respect that the maids showed to the Desalu family was indicative of their way of life. I liked that.
Another thing that I liked, was the fact that I had my own wing of the house. The suite where I was staying was fully equipped with a frig, microwave, sitting room, bedroom, and bathroom. The walls were adorned with beautiful art and I had they key to the suite. This was dope!
Every morning breakfast was delivered to me on a tray with linen’s and freshly squeezed orange juice. The only time it didn’t arrive, were days when we had to leave the house early.
[And yes, they do have Aunt Jemima in Nigeria]
Outside of my suite was the rest of the beautiful estate, which included: a living room, two sitting rooms, dining area, several bathrooms and bedrooms, an Olympic sized swimming pool, and a back yard with a view of the ocean. You could tell that ‘living’ had gone on in this home, good living.
After the initial shock of the thought of staying with Affluent Africans, I began to see the real value that their home represented. It was a home that entertained guests, raised children into adulthood, housed relatives, and covered this family. It was anything but the empty mausoleums that we often see celebrities use to shield themselves from society. It was a real home of a real family that is doing really good in Africa.
As you can see, I was involved in a lot of maxing and relaxing during my trip to Nigeria. Check back to hear more about the places I went, people I saw, and the things I did during my time in the Motherland!
Click HERE to learn about my first day in Lagos, Nigeria.