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- What it Means to Embrace a Dating Relationship Done God’s Way“I did it my way!” This is a line from a well known and well covered Frank Sinatra song “My Way.” The lyrics to the song feed into this idea that a life well lived is one where I call all the shots and, regardless of regrets, it couldn’t have been better because well, “I […]
- 3 Reasons Couples Get Divorced in January and How You Can Avoid ItNo one ever wants to imagine that the joy of saying “I do” will one day end in a trip to the courthouse with a request to call it quits. Before getting married, many couples foresee a lifetime of love peppered with challenges. In their hearts and minds, each couple is convinced there is nothing […]
- Five Lies You Tell Yourself When You Decide to CheatLies. Lies. Lies. When you make a decision to go outside of your relationship with your spouse to get a certain need met that you are convinced you can’t have met within your marriage, you usually come up with some excuse that, on the surface, appears plausible. Well, let me cut straight to it. You […]
- I Am in Love With a Married Man: How Do I Let Go?Dear Dr. Buckingham, I have been dealing with a married man for a while and I know its wrong, but we just got caught up. I want to walk away and just let it all go, but I didn’t know it would be this hard. I fell in love with him and I don’t know how […]
- 3 Easy Solutions to Cure Your Loneliness When You’re Single“I fought so hard to get this house,” she told me. “But when I come home after a long day of work and I look at the hinges hanging off the doors, I think to myself, ‘do I really have to do this thing called life on my own?!'” The words from this powerful, strong, […]
- Here’s How to Use Prayer to Resolve Conflict in Your MarriageConflict, unfortunately, doesn’t always end with peaceful solutions. When relationship conflicts can’t be resolved, there you’ll find damaged egos, hurt feelings, hateful words, and, sometimes, the end of a marriage. If you feel like your relationship is beyond the point of help, and the conflict has just demolished the communication, the trust, and every other part of your relationship, […]
- 5 Ways to Kick Financial Infidelity Out of Your Marriage in 2018Financial infidelity, like romantic infidelity, is rooted in deception, lying, and secrecy. Instead of holding your cards close to your chest when it comes to your relationship with another person, financial infidelity surfaces when you purposely mislead and withhold information about money and money matters. In December 2010, Harris Interactive fielded the Financial Deception with Partners study on behalf […]
- Are You Prepared? These 4 Things Can Make or Break Your MarriageMy 13 year old son recently asked me a question that many of you are probably familiar with. It’s the good old, “If you fill a glass half full of water, is the glass half full or half empty?” Naturally, I responded with the very wise, adult answer of, “well, it depends on your perspective.” […]
- Should I Disown My Sister For Cheating With My Husband?Dear Dr. Buckingham, My marriage has been torn apart because of the actions of two people that I love to the moon and back. My husband of 6 years slept with my younger sister. My younger sister came to stay with us after she graduated college. We allowed her to stay with us until she […]
- Girl, Wake Up! These 7 Signs Say He’s Stringing You AlongYou have off-the-charts chemistry and he says he’s never felt a connection like this with anyone else before. Maybe you’ve been dating for a while, but you don’t know where you stand with him. Does he want something serious? Is he just moving slow? Or is he stringing you along? You should be excited that […]
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Tag Archives: Beverly Hills
Anytime you beg friends, family, and co-workers to give you thousands of dollars to go meet your estranged family members in a foreign country over 7,000 miles away, things are bound to get interesting. As interesting as things were at the Murtala Muhammed Airport in Lagos, they didn’t prepare me for where I would be staying.
My driver safely navigated through the streets of Lagos to deliver me to Lekki (Lekki Lagos Nigeria Peninsula is a developing suburb considered a prime real estate location). This trip was a 4-hour feat. That’s right it took four hours to travel to where I would be staying. Along the way we experienced a great cross-section of the diversity that is Lagos.
A man selling watches caught my driver’s eye. His time pieces were stored away in pockets that had pockets. The street vendor walked alongside us displaying his watches while we crawled through traffic. His best pieces must have been tucked deep because he always had a better watch to show for each one that was rejected. About a half a mile and a dozen watches later we hit a wall [not literally]. My driver needed to make a decision and couldn’t chose between three different pieces. So, the plan was to get off the exit that was about a half mile up the road. The only thing that seemed like a catch was- traffic picked up and that meant we would leave the vendor in our dust. Much to my surprise he ran all the way to where we parked off of the exit, and was there as soon as we looked around for him. I knew that if my driver wasn’t going to buy a watch, I had to give something to the hardest working watch salesman I had ever seen.
After the excitement over the newly purchased timepiece calmed down, we were now getting hungry. That was not a problem either. Along with mattresses, tires, cabinet sets, magazines, dresses, travel kits, and windshield wipers, there were several food items to be bought while in motion on Lagos roadways. Given my apprehension to eat any of the sliced fruit or unpackaged food, we settled on plantain chips. The chips did exactly what they were designed to do. The kept me from taking a bite out of my driver’s right arm.
Soon, we were in the area where I would be staying. Some of the houses were huge, while others were literally shacks. It was interesting to see such wealth and poverty cohabiting literally feet from each other. One thing was sure, security was a major consideration. Each major estate was only visible above the 8-10 foot wall that guarded it from the outer world. I remembered seeing houses that were guarded like this, once before. The only houses that I had witness using this much security were the ones in Beverly Hills.
We pulled up to the house about 7 or 8 and I yelled to the driver, “Yo Holmes! Smell ya Later”.
No, seriously, it was like I had pulled right into a Bel-Air Estate. The one thing that would divert from that comparison, that I noticed right off the bat, was a distinct smell. It wasn’t ganja or anything crazy. It was actually something pretty good. I am at a loss of words for what fragrance it was but it was definitely African. I had smelled this smell at the poetry spots in the US. It was like a black soap/Nag Chompa/shea butter/non-european smell. I wish I could explain it better. Whatever the ingredients, it was both welcoming and fresh!
The maid opened the door and ushered me upstairs to greet the owners of the home, the Desalu Family. I quickly learned that I had family in Nigeria that I didn’t even know about. The owners of the home are not related to me by blood, and yet they treated me as their long lost son. Therefore, they literally turned me into the Fresh Prince from our first conversation. This was the home that they toiled hard to build and I was enjoying the fruits of their labor with maids, drivers, cooks and all!
When entering the presence of Mr. and Mrs. Desalu, the maid did a curtsey gesture. I first thought that this was done because she was a domestic servant and that it was expected of her. I later saw all people who were younger than the Desalu’s greeted them the same way, no matter their position or profession. That’s when it became evident to me that Africans have a very deliberate way that they pay respect to their elders. The respect that the maids showed to the Desalu family was indicative of their way of life. I liked that.
Another thing that I liked, was the fact that I had my own wing of the house. The suite where I was staying was fully equipped with a frig, microwave, sitting room, bedroom, and bathroom. The walls were adorned with beautiful art and I had they key to the suite. This was dope!
Every morning breakfast was delivered to me on a tray with linen’s and freshly squeezed orange juice. The only time it didn’t arrive, were days when we had to leave the house early.
[And yes, they do have Aunt Jemima in Nigeria]
Outside of my suite was the rest of the beautiful estate, which included: a living room, two sitting rooms, dining area, several bathrooms and bedrooms, an Olympic sized swimming pool, and a back yard with a view of the ocean. You could tell that ‘living’ had gone on in this home, good living.
After the initial shock of the thought of staying with Affluent Africans, I began to see the real value that their home represented. It was a home that entertained guests, raised children into adulthood, housed relatives, and covered this family. It was anything but the empty mausoleums that we often see celebrities use to shield themselves from society. It was a real home of a real family that is doing really good in Africa.
As you can see, I was involved in a lot of maxing and relaxing during my trip to Nigeria. Check back to hear more about the places I went, people I saw, and the things I did during my time in the Motherland!
Click HERE to learn about my first day in Lagos, Nigeria.